Soul Gold

This blog is a continual story that begins with the first posting in the Blog Archive, The Journey Begins. Click down the list to read entries, and click on arrows to reveal monthly drop-down menus.

I've had amazing support during my journey through cancer. My friends and family have really been there for me. During 2010, as I was struggling through further surgeries and spending a lot of down time on the sofa, I worked on some projects that I wanted to start when I felt better. As I mentioned in my second post, a year before my cancer diagnosis I finished a manuscript entitled Soul Gold, A Handbook of Inner Alchemy: How to Transform the Lead of Suffering into the Gold of Compassion. And when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my own manuscript was sort of a message in a bottle that washed up on my own shores. When I re-read my own words, I realized that not only had I written them for others, I had written them for myself. My manuscript served as a direct catalyst to get my act in gear and walk my talk. In 2010, I re-edited the manuscript, and this spring, I plan to self-publish my book and use it as a guide for cancer journey support groups.

Here are some excerpts from Soul Gold that offer a brief introduction to inner alchemy:

I do not believe that suffering is necessary for growth, but that suffering makes growth necessary. I have come to look upon trauma as a sacred initiation, a profound challenge to go beyond who we thought we were and what we thought we were capable of; an opportunity to let go and go deeper into soul. This philosophy is the basis of inner alchemy, the ancient formula for the real magic of transformation that is possible in the human heart. Inner alchemy teaches us how to connect with soul and grow into a more wise, compassionate human being.

Carl Jung originated the concept of inner alchemy. He was the first contemporary thinker to crack the code of the ancient alchemists and envision the principals and processes that they describe as a metaphor for inner transformation. This book is my attempt to present the basic concepts of inner alchemy in the form of a simplified guide that will help people navigate the territory of life’s hard times and learn how to glean meaning and growth from their suffering.

In alchemy, a base substance is melted and broken down, and then it is worked and refined into a purified form. In life, when we are melted and broken down by the forces of fate, the healing powers of soul offer a way we can work through our pain and refine into a more purified being. Drawing upon Jung’s exploration of alchemical metaphors to chart the journey from meltdown to real magic, I refer to this inner odyssey as the Soul Gold Process. There are three stages to the Soul Gold Process – the Descent, the Ascent and the Integration – and each of these phases corresponds to a stage in ancient, classical alchemy.

The Descent

The first stage of the Soul Gold Process corresponds to the first alchemical stage, the nigredo, which means “blackness.” In the nigredo, a base substance such as lead is heated by fire and melted into a blackened mass. The meltdown of the nigredo corresponds to an experience of trauma, a time of devastation when our life is reduced to chaos and our meltdown into blackness causes us great suffering. In a Descent, the troubles that we thought only happen to the other guy knock our feet out from under us, and we fall into a dark abyss. A Descent is a metaphoric death. It’s not the end of our life, but it is the death of who we were before our loss. From here, our work is to let go of who we thought we were so we can grow into the person we have the potential to be.

The Ascent

The second stage of the Soul Gold Process corresponds to the second alchemical stage, the albedo, which means “whiteness.” Here, the lead turns white as it softens, distills and purifies into silver. During this time, we learn to accept the beauty of life's perfect imperfection, our faith is rekindled, and we are blessed with the light of spiritual wisdom. Just as spring follows winter, we experience renewal and rebirth in the Ascent as we do inner work to purify toxic emotions like hopelessness, self-rejection, rage and clinging to the past, and we cultivate qualities like hope, forgiveness, acceptance, and trust.

The Integration

The third and final stage of the Soul Gold Process corresponds to the third alchemical stage, the rubedo, which means “redness.” In the completion of the alchemical process, the metal transforms into red-hot gold that glows like a fiery sunrise. This is a time of rebirth into red-blooded fullness of life, when we shine with newborn radiance and our heart opens to our fellow wounded humans with newfound compassion. Through intention and effort, we have transformed our leaden suffering into soul gold.

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Perfectionism

This blog is a continual story that begins with the first posting in the Blog Archive, The Journey Begins. Click down the list to read entries, and click on arrows to reveal monthly drop-down menus.

Wow. For me, 2010 was a year jam packed with challenges and blessings. When radiation literally burned a hole in my breast, I was devastated. After my surgery, my breast was purple and weird, my back was discombobulated, my arm was swelled up, and I completely fell apart. Lost it. We're talking crying uncontrollably at the drop of a hat. But there is some miraculous element in human nature that wants to heal, to accept, and to move on. And I am very, very lucky that this miraculous element is strong in me. After about a week or two of "poor me, fuck this," my heart revved into gear, my head popped above the water line, and I realized that I was facing one of the greatest foes of my entire lifetime: perfectionism.

(I grabbed this fetching image from vincentstrangiostore.com, where you can find all sorts of witty animal images adorning shirts, mousepads, stationery and various other necessities of life.) Anyway, I've always found that knowledge and wisdom are great antidotes for neurosis so I immediately checked eight books on perfectionism out of the library and started to research this longstanding foe. Although I found a lot of interesting information, none of the books approached perfectionism in the same light as I saw it, so I decided that I would do some deep thinking on the subject, come up with a plan to disarm my habituated, destructive thought patterns, and hopefully pull them out at their roots.

Here is my theory. I feel that perfectionism is born from a longing to connect with Spirit. Michaelangelo said, "The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection." I believe that this longing for union with the Source is part of the fabric of the human experience, but it mutates into toxic perfectionism when we seek this ultimate fulfillment in the physical, transient world. It is then that our longing degrades into an experience of great pain instead of great inspiration. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, said, "Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough - that we should try again."

Well, I couldn't just toss out my body and start over again, like I could a painting or a poem. Battered and bruised as it was, it was the only one I had. I had to accept it. Either that, or go mad. So I decided to accept it. As our bodies age, we all have to go there eventually, anyway. We have to accept each new wrinkle on our face, each ache in our joints, and for me, each battle scar from my journey through cancer. Every once in a while my perfectionism rears its ugly head, though, and I have a hard time looking at my breast in the mirror. But then I work with accepting the tender, wounded animal that is my body, and hold it within a radiant field of unconditional love.

PS. I'm now working on a book about how to heal toxic perfectionism.

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A Year Later

This blog is a continual story that begins with the first posting in the Blog Archive, The Journey Begins. Click down the list to read entries, and click on arrows to reveal monthly drop-down menus.

I can't believe that a year has passed since my last post. It's been a difficult twelve months healthwise, but I'm finally starting to feel stronger. A year ago, I had an unexpected, traumatic complication. The radiation treatments weakened the skin on my breast so much that it could no longer hold together at my incision site. My only alternative for breast reconstruction was a surgery called a latissimus flap, in which a muscle and an area of skin is taken from the back and then re-attached to the front of the body in order to provide support for a breast implant. Sounds intense, doesn't it? Well, it is. A temporary expander was put in during the surgery, a sort of hard water balloon that's filled with a little more water every few weeks, gradually stretching the skin and tissue (painful!) until it reaches the right size. Then, in August 2010, I had another surgery to swap the temporary expander for a permanent implant. These surgeries really zapped my strength and my recuperation has been a long, hard road. I'm still in physical therapy, trying to help my body adjust.

Am I glad I did it? Yes. I just didn't want to live the rest of my life with only one breast. My reconstructed breast looks like it's been through the wars, which it has. But through the guidance of my sister, who is an expert in the therapeutic application of essential oils, I have been applying potent essential oil serums to my breast, and my scars and skin damage are healing. In fact, my plastic surgeon was so impressed by the speed that my skin was healing that he is now testing one of my sister's formulas on some other patients.

What are essential oils made from? They are extracted from flowers, fruits, leaves, bark, wood, seeds, peels and roots. An essential oil is a concentrated liquid that contains the volatile aroma compounds from the plants. They are "essential" in the sense that they carry the distinctive scent, or essence of the plant that they are extracted from. Because essential oils are very concentrated, they need to be greatly diluted with carrier oils such as almond, jojoba, hazlenut, etc. in order to formulate a healing serum. Typically, a healing serum only contains from 1% to 10% essential oil.

My sister and I have been doing a lot of research into cancer-safe body products, including moisturizers, cosmetics, and other personal care items. In fact, we have decided to launch a website that sells a variety of our favorite products along with a line of essential oil serums that my sister is creating. We're excited about this new venture! I'll set up a link on my blog when we get it started.

As far as how I've been doing emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I'll get into that on my next post!

I would love to hear from you. To leave a comment about this posting, scroll down and type inside the white box below the heading, POST A COMMENT. Underneath the white box, it says Comment as: with a white bar that says Ria Moran (Google). Click the arrows on the right and a dropdown menu will appear. Choose name/URL and type in your name. The URL is not necessary. Or, if you wish, you may choose to leave a comment anonymously. Then click Post Comment in the next white box and your comment will be published. Thank you!