Transforming Rage

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To work on my assignment from Howard Bad Hand, I scheduled an appointment with Scott Macinnis, a shamanistic/mystical therapist who specializes in taking clients into deeper connection with Source. Here is a quote from Scott's website (energeticmassageboulder.com):

Nothing is outside of God. You are an immaculate, immortal being who has voluntarily embraced ignorance and vulnerability for the sheer joy of remembering. You will learn that the very issues that trip you up the most are your greatest allies.

Scott Macinnis

I love working with Scott. He is a caring, fearless practitioner who is very dedicated to serving the higher good. When he asked what was up for me, I told him that I wanted to work on my rage. The best way to deal with intense emotion is to feel it and let it pass through and transform, so we started my session by diving right into that red energy. Scott suggested that I visualize some people who I feel rage towards, and allow my feelings about them to rise up. As soon as I imagined some political figures who really push my buttons, things quickly accelerated; I felt myself turn into an uncontrollable grizzly bear, and the rage took over. As the wild, angry bear, my hands actually shook as I tore these people's hearts out, bit their heads off, and ate every last piece of them. It was incredibly liberating to just let myself go into the rage completely, without holding anything back. When the carnage was all over, my victims and I stood and stared at each other in our soul bodies. Amazingly, I felt compassion for them. Then each of their guides came to take them off to spiritual school, and a strange guide who I had never seen before came for me.

He was a tall, blue entity who stood in front of me with a disapproving stare. I immediately felt that Blue Man was impatient with me and annoyed at having to work with such an immature soul. Although I felt embarrassed about my level of emotional chaos, I also realized that he had similar lessons to learn. Even though Blue Man was much more in control of his emotions than I am, he was judgmental, and I had the feeling that his guides directed him to work with me in order to deepen his practice of compassion. It was interesting. We were both to learn more about compassion by working with each other.

Slowly, Blue Man began turning pink, and as he turned pink, he began to radiate compassion from his heart area. I got the impression that he tends to hang out more in the mental zones than the emotional, and that turning pink was a good exercise for him to do. As he radiated more and more compassion, it flowed into me, and we started resonating at a Unity level together. I felt love and forgiveness for myself and for all the beings I had judged and ripped apart as the grizzly bear. Then Pink Man turned into Blue Man again and disappeared. He was still pretty impatient, and glad to be finished with me.

I was feeling very open-hearted, and didn't mind at all that he left. At that point, my attention was drawn to my tumor, which had started burning when I was doing the grizzly bear thing. Scott guided me to explore my tumor, and since the growth is right over my heart, I turned my attention towards it with wide open compassion. I put my hand over my breast, loving and accepting its wound with tears in my eyes. Then Green Tara, the Tibetan Buddhist deity, appeared in the forefront of my mind.

For many years now, I have had various experiences in the archetypal realms which have included contact with many different types of entities, including Buddhist, Hindu and Egyptian deities. I regard these archetypes as energetic patterns generated by Spirit in other vibratory realms. Carl Jung felt that archetypes exist in an area of the collective unconscious that is closer than we are to the Self, or Source. I have no idea on what level of reality they exist, that is, if they are actually "real." But what I do know is that they come to me, and they exist in my reality. I have a particularly special relationship with Green Tara. She is a manifestation of wisdom and compassion, and in my experience, she also brings peace and a vibrant connection with the renewal of life that emanates from the sparkling, positive life force of the physical plane.

Green Tara

Tara took me on a journey back to the Big Bang, through cycles of birth, manifestation and death over and over again. She showed me that the problem comes when we get hung up on one of the stages, like grabbing onto suffering and getting stuck there. That sort of unconscious complex stops us from evolving. We need to keep flowing with the changes, just like the I Ching, the Book of Changes, teaches. The trick is to flow with the go and go with the flow, and not dig in our heels anywhere. There's no getting off the bus.

Then Tara reached into my heart and pulled out a bunch of stones, squishing each one between her fingers. The stones were grudges that I've held for a long time - probably lifetime after lifetime. I saw and felt little holes where the rocks had been, and they slowly filled up with soft, pink flesh, very healthy and vibrant. And the surrounding tissue filled out, softened, and plumped up. When I checked in with my tumor, it felt soothed, and was no longer burning. Tara's last gesture was to grant me a boon, a seed that she planted in my heart to sprout new life and promote healthy tissue.

It's amazing how much transformation can take place in just one session. This inner work released a great deal of my attachment to rage, and I am very thankful to Scott and Howard Bad Hand for being willing to be guides on my psychospiritual healing journey.

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