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A few days before starting my radiation treatments, I had a powerful session with Devi, my therapist. I was assaulted by various physical pains that day, and when Devi asked me to tune in to my inner experience, I saw an image of myself impaled by swords, nails and knives. Not pretty. And no matter how many times I visualized pulling them out, they kept reappearing. It was as if I had a magnet inside of my body that was attracting metallic, medieval torture. Also, in this active imagination exercise, my knife-riddled body was in the midst of a crowd of healthy, happy people, and I was drawing these blades into my own body in order to prevent them from penetrating anyone else. I realized that I was embodying a saviour/martyr complex, and an image of the crucified Christ passed through my mind.
Christ by Salvador Dali
At that moment, my therapist commented that she was reminded of the crucified Christ, and when I agreed, she suggested that I visualize myself standing under the cross and looking up at his body. As soon as I did, all of the swords, nails and knives flew out of me and went into him, and I heard him say, "This is my job, not yours."
I immediately felt relieved of a huge, self-imposed burden that involved taking the suffering of the world onto my own inadequately broad shoulders. That neurotic complex was too much for my body to bear, and was literally killing me. Devi reminded me that Christ is a spiritual master who is able to magnetize and transmute human suffering, and that in my less mature state of soul development, taking on those energies was mortally dangerous to my life force. I realized that I must gain clarity about the difference between feeling compassion for others versus unconsciously taking on and trying to transmute the suffering of the world.
Although I was brought up Catholic, I had a spiritual opening in my early twenties that led me into an exploration of a great many spiritual philosophies that have included Hinduism, Buddhism, Native American teachings, Sufi teachings, Taoism, and others. And suddenly, to my great surprise, I once again felt a deeply nurturing connection with Christ. In fact, I felt his compassionate presence every day, and whenever I felt those swords and knives return, I would imagine myself at the foot of the cross, and he would remove them.
The Sacred Heart of Christ
In my first radiation session, I felt a bit frightened and intimidated, and I asked for Christ's help. Immediately, I felt his presence. He was standing behind the radiation machine, and when the machine buzzed to signal that it was emitting the radiation, I felt powerful rays of love emanate from his sacred heart and enter my body along with the radiation. The first time it happened, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and love, and I whispered silent thanks. I had 33 radiation sessions, and each time, I felt Christ's love mix with the rays emanating through the intimidating machine to create an alchemical vibration that released my fears and healed my body and heart.
There is great spiritual healing available from the mysterious realms of soul which encompass active imagination, intuition, exploration of archetypes, sensitivity to synchronicities, meditation, and visualization. To access this deep level of support, we need to cultivate a non-judgmental, open attitude in order to accept the various manifestations of God/Source into our lives.
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