This blog is a continual story that begins with the first posting in the Blog Archive, The Journey Begins. Click down the list to read entries, and click on arrows to reveal monthly drop-down menus.
After I spoke with Walden, the path I was to take was made clear to me. I had no doubt about the rightness of choosing to live, but surrendering to the intense, invasive methods that it takes to cure cancer was going to take getting used to. It was time to get practical, but I couldn't bring myself to look at the cold, hard facts yet. I was still floating in the spirit worlds, and I wasn't grounded enough to do research on the internet, to talk to doctors, or to ask advice from survivors of breast cancer. If it weren't for my loved ones taking over that job for me, I don't know if I would have been able to develop enough strength and persistence to treat and heal my cancer. But my core support team came through for me in flying colors. My sister, Jacqui, flew in from New York to join forces with my partner, Ken, and my soul sister, Pat, and the three of them threw themselves into a search for the protocol that offered the best chance of keeping me alive. They also took care of my needs, and protected me from dealing with things I wasn't ready to face yet.
My sweetheart, Ken Bernstein
Ken is an artist/musician, a strong, kind, earthy man with deep integrity and a sensitive soul. From the moment of my diagnosis, Ken hasn't wavered in his acceptance of our situation and his dedication to my healing on every level. Although the cancer has disfigured my breast, Ken kisses my wound and says, "Good Morning, Beautiful," every morning. On the practical level, Ken makes all the calls to my insurance company, communicated with the doctors when I couldn't bring myself to take phone calls, comes to every doctor's appointment, keeps all of the records and bills organized, and does so much more. I am so blessed to have him by my side.
My sister, Jacqui, and I are as close as two siblings can be. We witnessed family tragedies together growing up, and share a deeply loving emotional bond. Jacqui is an extraordinarily courageous, heartful and compassionate soul. This is a picture of me, Ken, Jacqui, and my nephew Dylan, Jacqui's son, was taken a couple of years ago. Dylan is in a wheelchair because he was born with spina bifida, a birth defect in which the spine doesn't completely form. His condition causes many serious complications, and he has been in and out of hospitals his whole life. Dylan stayed in New York when Jacqui came out to visit, but we had some heartfelt phone conversations about walking the edge between life and death. He has a remarkable, Buddha-like acceptance of the cards he's been dealt.
Me, Ken, Jacqui and my nephew Dylan
Because of her experience with Dylan's health problems, my sister is very adept in researching health issues, and she has a lot of contacts in the natural healing community. During the first few weeks after my diagnosis, Jacqui contacted a number of alternative healers and ordered me dozens of natural remedies.
Pat Ogden, soul sister extraordinaire
Pat Ogden is the third member of my intimate support team. She and I have shared adventures, laughter and tears for more than twenty years. Pat is an accomplished psychologist specializing in the treatment of trauma, and she is more than familiar with the task of supporting loved ones through the treatment of cancer. Her partner, Paul, had just died of throat cancer the year before I was diagnosed. Pat is a passionate, devoted, and loyal friend who has never wavered in her support of my process. When we discovered I had cancer, she joined forces with my sister and they delved into all kinds of alternative protocols, including Insulin Potentiated Therapy, Budwig Diet, European blood assay tests, intravenous drips, chelation, and many others. But we found that none of these healing methods showed cure rates better than straight-on slash and burn Western methods. So, ironically, we ended up agreeing to do the very first protocol that my bright, gentle oncologist, Lori Jensen, had suggested in the first place. I decided to follow her recommendations exactly. The regimen is five months of intense, dose-dense chemotherapy in order to shrink the tumor and hopefully loosen its grip on my pectoral muscle, a mastectomy three weeks after finishing chemo, and lastly, radiation treatments to mop up the last remaining cancer cells.
I finally felt prepared to take a full swan dive into the Underworld, and I knew that the initiation I was about to undergo would change me forever. But with my loving family that is dedicated to supporting me on every level combined with the high level of cancer care at the Tebo Cancer Center in Boulder, I knew I stood a remarkable chance of healing at the deepest level possible. Next, I'll tell you about the remarkable people on my psychospiritual support team who are guiding me through my emotional, mental and spiritual process.
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